Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I bet that hurt

A guy pleaded guilty in court today to punching Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson in the groin.

I bet the red-cheeked MU Rowdies boss got a good view of that incident.

The BBC online report of the incident also grabbed my attention.

Magistrate Daphne Wickham said: "I do not think Sir Alex Ferguson saw this as a joke."
She said Reynolds was "a fighting drunk", adding that her powers of sentence, which allow for six months' imprisonment, were insufficient.


A 'fighting drunk'? Now there's a profession you don't see advertised in the job pages too often...

Couple are boxed in

I saw a story today about an elderly couple who have lived for 22 years in a Travelodge –mainly at one near Nottingham on the A1.

Can you imagine that? Fancy coming home at night to be told that your home has been temporarily sold to somebody else for one evening…

Travelodge? I hate ‘em.

Link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6990706.stm

On a more serious note I think the comment about the cost of nursing care in the States is a little disconcerting. Where they lead, and all that. . .

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I want a passport and a sex change...

I've lived and breathed football since I was knee high to Brian Flynn - which for those of you who don't remember the Burnley, Leeds and Wales midfielder, suggests I was quite small.

I've never been able to play at any level other than Sunday league despite my obsession with practice - and at 44 I thought my chance had gone ... until this morning when I saw the highlights from the opening game in the 2007 Women's World Cup.

I may be the size of a small football stadium, but with the benefit of a quick snip down there and a successful application to become an Argentine citizen I could clearly play in goal for the national women's team.

Poor Vanina Correa - not only did she concede 11 in the opening game against Germany, but she's clearly useless: two own goals and the reactions of a cadaver.

Now where do I sign up for that sex change...

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Do a blog they said...

It's 17.40 GMT on a Wednesday evening and I've finally got round to doing what I said I'd do some months ago.
I have a reputation as one to whom my friends turn when they require an opinion on any given matter. Normally, it's because they want a largely uninformed opinion so they can mock or sit back and feel smug with themselves for not being quite as stupid as I appear.
Feeling that this form of catharsis and self-improvement should not be limited to the lucky few with whom I share my Thursday nights in the White Hart - where we generally meander around mid-table in the weekly pub quiz - they suggested I started a blog, to enrich all humanity.
But I want to do more than just act as self-help guru; I want to start debates. So I will be posting as regularly as I can ... in other words when either:
a) something riles me enough to make me put finger to keyboard; or
b) when I feel I can get a cheap laugh out of something.
I currently have nothing amusing to say on today's subject, but I want to pose a question: Why - and when - did TV planners decide that all newly commissioned programmes for late summer in the UK had to be something to do with cooking?
There are dozens of them - and it couldn't have come at a worse time for me as I've just started a diet in order to lose sufficient weight to fit in just the one suit when I get married next August. What makes it worse is, not only are they churning out food I'd currently happily gnaw of my left arm to get hold of, but, the programmes all appear to be pants! What happened to decent TV?
Currently running on BBC1 at 10.35 most nights is an excellent new sit-com called 'Outnumbered'. It deserves a prime-time slot yet it's stuck on at a time when most right-minded, middle-aged office workers like me are pouring hot water on to their Horlicks.
And what do we have earlier in the evening when I'm at peak TV viewing fitness? Some tramp with a French name who's apparently been given the task of slicing up a celebrity into a nouvelle cuisine dish.
What complete ****!
Anyway, I shouldn't get worked up about it - there are far more important things in life, which was brought home to many of us yesterday when it was announced that Jane Tomlinson had died. What an inspirational woman she was.
I know I said I would comment on things that got my goat or when I felt I could get a cheap laugh, but I can't let her passing go unnoticed by me.
In the seven years since she was diagnosed with cancer she did more exercise and good deeds than I will ever do in my lifetime (sadly). She really will be missed; I wouldn't - which makes it all the more of a shame that I'm still here able to write this drivel.
Thanks for the inspiration though Jane. You truly were a 'one-off'.