I've lived and breathed football since I was knee high to Brian Flynn - which for those of you who don't remember the Burnley, Leeds and Wales midfielder, suggests I was quite small.
I've never been able to play at any level other than Sunday league despite my obsession with practice - and at 44 I thought my chance had gone ... until this morning when I saw the highlights from the opening game in the 2007 Women's World Cup.
I may be the size of a small football stadium, but with the benefit of a quick snip down there and a successful application to become an Argentine citizen I could clearly play in goal for the national women's team.
Poor Vanina Correa - not only did she concede 11 in the opening game against Germany, but she's clearly useless: two own goals and the reactions of a cadaver.
Now where do I sign up for that sex change...
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