I can't believe it's been more than a month since I last blogged. It's very remiss of me and I apologise.
But I have news: I am a DIY God!
Over the bank holiday weekend I managed to change a light fitting (electrical), fix a leaking cistern (plumbing), and oil a squeaking door (general maintenance).
OK, to the gifted DIY-er that may not seem much, but to somebody with my dextrous skills it's equivalent to climbing Everest. Maybe even more of an achievement, for I'm sure Lady Hillary didn't say to Sir Edmund, as an aside while re-potting some courgettes in the garden, "I know dear, why don't you go and climb Everest while I'm doing this?"
Hillary had some successful experience in mountaineering; I have myriad unsuccessful experiences in DIY. The house is testament to that. There are shelves off which books slip at regular intervals; a towel rail remains connected to the bathroom wall merely by virtue of the strength of a Rawplug; and numerous pieces of flat-pack furniture don't function correctly.
So while Lady Hillary's suggestion to her spouse might have received a "Right-ho darling!" and a "couldn't see him for dust" moment, my wife's demand - as opposed to 'suggestion' - was met by bemusement and panic in equal measure. And not only by me. Two teenage boys and two cats also appeared shocked by the prospect.
But I shocked everybody, myself included, by fulfilling each brief. Admittedly the light fitting needed a bit of improvisation, or bodging as it's known in certain circles, because the necessary replacement items did not appear to be available in the public domain.
But the light works. It occasionally sends a line of sparks shooting around the bathroom like a fairy wall-of-death rider, but so far the bathroom users have escaped serious injury.
And as a follow-up to my three-fold success over the weekend I have also managed a fourth DIY achievement in the field of construction. Having completed three tasks with no raised voices or hospital treatment I appear to have made a rod for my own back.
Mrs B now appears to have a list of further tasks all ready prepared for the next time she has to re-pot her home-grown veg.
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