The future of the Football Association is today in doubt after its 'fit and proper person' test failed FIFA's 'fit and proper fit and proper persons' test.
A spokesman for FIFA said: "The Football Asscoiation's 'fit and proper person' test was found not to be fit for the purpose intended and will therefore have to be shelved until the media furore surrounding it dies down and we can quietly resurrect it without anybody noticing.
"This has serious implications for football because it's not right that people are able to point out the shortcomings of the sport's national governing bodies. It is not an easy task keeping football's elite from mixing with the smaller clubs and becoming tainted.
"It has therefore become necessary to ensure clubs deemed 'unsuitable' for inclusion in the top leagues are forced to endure humilation at the hands of 'unfit' owners. This is the reason Sulaiman al Fahim was allowed to take over at Portsmouth and presumably why Ken Bates is still allowed anywhere near the game.
"This at least explains why the FA's 'fit and proper person' test is the worthless piece of s**t it is, but we can not stand by and allow somebody to leak it to the press for all to see."
The remarkable admission by the sport's governing body comes after the official FA Fit and Proper Person Test document was leaked to a small homeless boy rooting around in bins in Soho Square.
You can now see for yourself just how poor the document is as we have reproduced the form in its entirety below:
How would you describe yourself?
Rich
Super-rich
Mega-rich
Walter Mitty
Are you now or have you ever been a member of a terrorist organisation or worn a France shirt with the name Platini on the back?
Yes
No
Who’s Platini?
Have you ever invited Sepp Blatter to dinner?
Yes
No
Who?
Do you have a big luxury yacht on to which you could invite Lord Triesman and his fellow FA members?
Yes
No
Who?
Are you now or have you ever been Michael Knighton?
Yes
No
Who?
Do you promise to raise fans’expectations up to fever pitch before letting them down with a lack of funds / business acumen / intelligence? (Do not delete which not applicable as they all are)
Yes
No
What’s acumen…?
Who will you appoint as manager?
A messiah loved by the fans but with no managerial experience
A big-name manager who’s in it only for the cash
A big-name player to whom this will be a first managerial position
A good young manager from the lower divisions about whom nobody knows anything and will be sacked before he gets a chance to turn things around
The cheap option
Harry Redknapp
I (the undersigned) appreciate that all the information given above is completely irrelevant providing I promise to maintain the status quo within the Premiership ( or the EPL as it is known in corporate circles), promise never to speak out of turn and to ensure small clubs are never given the opportunity to establish themselves at the top level.
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