Doctor, will he still be able to write a cheque...?

We're all glad, I'm sure, to see Pompey owner Sulaiman al Fahim's visit to hospital was not as a result of a heart attack as first reported, but 'merely' for an operation on kidney stones.

This does provide an answer to possibly one of life's greatest unasked questions: which is cheaper to fake, a heart attack or a kidney operation?

Seriously, I'm not suggesting for one second that he was not having a genuine operation. I was just a little suspicious when I realised the barcode on his hospital wristband was actually for a two-pack of Tesco own-brand custard tarts.

And believe me, I know the barcode for a two-pack of Tesco own-brand custard tarts when I see one.

And they even left on his wristwatch...