Several of the shadow cabinet would not look too good as caricatures, but shadow chancellor George Osborne would not have to worry: bizarrely, he already looks like a Spitting Image puppet.
No need for a caricature
Yesterday on the ‘world stage’ he spoke like a school prefect and during his “ovation” looked like a data entry clerk who’d suddenly found himself promoted beyond his ability… hang on a sec.
Osborne would be prime Spitting Image material.
He is a former member of the Bullingdon Club, a notorious Oxford University dining group “‘infamous for “trashing” restaurants and other riotous behaviour’ and ‘open only to sons of aristocratic families and the super-rich’”.*
The Bullingdon Club prepared
Osborne for 'real' life
David Cameron was also a member, so at least we have two people in the shadow cabinet fully cognisant of what motivates the ASBO generation. But presumably, if you can afford to pay for the damage your vandalism causes that’s OK.
Osborne said, on more than one occasion yesterday “we are all in this together”; in the same way, presumably, that everybody was equal in Animal Farm…
The Tories aren’t the only people who should be grateful Spitting Image ceased transmission in 1996. Tony Blair’s Labour Government would have suffered hugely at the hands of Fluck and Law.
Which got me thinking… (yeah, I know – here we go)
JOHN PRESCOTT: Obviously he would be as round as he was tall, with rolls of fat falling over Union Jack silk boxing shorts. He’d wear boxing gloves and all the time he was talking he’d be either shadow boxing or stuffing his face with pies. The only other item of clothing would be an adult catch-all bib round his neck like those worn by babies.
HAZEL BLEARS: I’ve no idea why I see her like this but I imagine her as a wartime landgirl wearing a knotted, spotted headscarf. But most importantly she would have over her shoulder a step ladder so she could sit atop it during cabinet meetings.
Bleary eyed - see what I did there?
ROBIN COOK: Obviously a bearded gnome, but instead of the normal gnome get-up it would be an open-neck shirt with huge medallion and he would sidle up to people in a very slimy manner befitting a lothario of such stature. And he would constantly need sub-titles.
HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS TONY BLAIR: Just a normal caricature in a smart grey or navy blue suit. But he has a halo. And as the camera pans out it is clear the halo is held in place by a stick held by Alistair Campbell. Every time Blair appears there is a heavenly flash of light and the sound of a choir; as soon as he steps forward Campbell then ushers the choir and a TV lighting crew out of shot.
Sadly Fluck and Law are no longer in the UK. One is in Australia the other in Cornwall. But if anybody is planning on bringing the show back I’d just like to say I am available for conceptual meetings, script sessions and voice-overs.
- If you’re too young to remember Spitting Image check out some of the clips here. These are mainly the songs but still worth a gander.
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